Womanhood

I’ve always found the title “woman” troubling. More so in my teens than now, nevertheless it is a concept I am still negotiating. I’ve always felt more like a girl, a girl has minimal responsibilities, a girl can do so much more than a woman can. A woman is tied to social expectations and must conform or she will be shamed. A girl could conform to social expectations but the most she would get for deviating from the norm is a cautioning word, likely from the women around her.

I simply could not understand why people were so quick to thrust that word “woman” on me, and I was even more confused about why some people were so eager to adopt it. Cotton ball boobs does not a woman make! It must be earned, I felt. I still do really. A thirteen year old no matter how mature she may look or act is a G-I-R-L! Maybe one or two people may differ but for the majority I say girl.

She is a girl because she has likely achieved little. A woman is accomplished and has much to be proud of. A girl does not have the burden of making tough decisions (except of course between which teen pop sensation would grace her wall next). A woman must make many difficult decisions and she does so with grace. A woman carries great responsibility and exudes confidence with every step.

Then of course there’s me, straddling this fence. Not quite a woman but slowly leaving the carefree ways of a girl behind. I’m not entirely sure I’m ready to be a woman though, its far too grand. I like these inbetweenities where I can watch both phases and simply exist outside of the trappings of either.

Now as I am not yet a woman I can not speak from experience on what it means but I have had plenty experience being a girl and maybe I am idealizing womanhood. I certainly blame all the women in my life for setting such high standards, however maybe I just don’t know the struggle. Maybe every woman is just a girl in high heels, playing a part for the world’s applause. Maybe this is what I am wobbling towards, greatly unsure but faking it till I make it.

All is well