The privilege of being female | DIY peacoat

I made this coat in January I think but I just never blogged it. As you can tell by the drippy nature of this, I clearly wronged you by not sharing sooner, but I am here now just in time for F/W2019.


Bigger than the coat though, I am here to talk to myself and anyone else who cares to listen about embracing femininity. For so long, I feel like it’s almost become acceptable to despise being female. I know I have certainly had many mixed feelings about what is frankly just my fact of birth. The phrase “Why does the woman always have to [insert high standard that men aren’t held to here]”, has come up in so many conversations and in so many different permutations and honestly, it can be a little miserable.

It’s miserable realizing that your life is expected to be some collection of insurmountable injustices; especially as a black woman, where the intersection of your race and gender presents nothing but emotional labour and unreciprocated effort. This may be why I fought with the concept of womanhood for so long, because being a girl is just a little easier sometimes. You can delay some expectations, you can still choose how you want to interact with the world around you. You are hopeful.

Anyhow, now I’m here. Fully woman and I am choosing to love this. I am choosing to see this as a privilege and not a burden. I have the unique opportunity to wake up each day in this body and I think that is pretty amazing.

I look at my physical body today, and where I would once have complained about it being too much or not enough, I see it as perfectly suited to me.

Where I would have tried to soften my wit to make it more palatable for some, I now speak and expect to be heard.

img_1488I have no time for people who don’t value my time or talents because there is a very strong roster of people who do.

I cry if I need to cry because it’s a healthy expression of my emotions.

I ask for help if I need it because I wasn’t built to do life alone.

I set boundaries on my time, my relationships and my space because I love myself and I want to keep me safe.

I speak positively to myself because it enriches my soul.

I smile at my reflection because it is a privilege to do so.

Our time on this earth is as short as it is long. It is just enough time for us to give of ourselves in tremendous ways. When I find myself staring in the mirror too long because of a breakout, or bemoaning my edges or my nail beds or my cellulite, I will try to remember what a privilege it is to be female. To share this unique human experience of femininity with so many other amazing women. To be called one of them.

When I am in a space where I feel like I am being drowned out by the men in the room, I will remember that my voice is important and I have a responsibility to myself to speak even if they refuse to hear. I will also remember to be a support for another woman if I see her being drowned out.





When I see another woman doing amazing things, I will celebrate her because I know the privilege that we have in carrying the bodies that we do and pushing boundaries where we do.

When I look at this beautiful life and see the men in my life achieving exceptional things, I will remember that uplifting them does not mean that I am any less privileged to be in this body that I am in. I will remember that their success does not have to mean my downfall. I will take inspiration from their uninhibited love of self and love myself just as fiercely

When it hurts to carry the full reality of this feminine form, I will remember that I have purpose that impacts a world so much bigger than me. Every day that I push past the physical, emotional or mental pressures that this body brings, I am pressing closer to the thing that I am here to do

And on the high highs and the low lows, I will always choose to rest in faith knowing that I am never alone


Are you woman enough?


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I’ve always found the title “woman” troubling. More so in my teens than now, nevertheless it is a concept I am still negotiating. I’ve always felt more like a girl, a girl has minimal responsibilities, a girl can do so much more than a woman can. A woman is tied to social expectations and must conform or she will be shamed. A girl could conform to social expectations but the most she would get for deviating from the norm is a cautioning word, likely from the women around her.

I simply could not understand why people were so quick to thrust that word “woman” on me, and I was even more confused about why some people were so eager to adopt it. Cotton ball boobs does not a woman make! It must be earned, I felt. I still do really. A thirteen year old no matter how mature she may look or act is a G-I-R-L! Maybe one or two people may differ but for the majority I say girl.

She is a girl because she has likely achieved little. A woman is accomplished and has much to be proud of. A girl does not have the burden of making tough decisions (except of course between which teen pop sensation would grace her wall next). A woman must make many difficult decisions and she does so with grace. A woman carries great responsibility and exudes confidence with every step.

Then of course there’s me, straddling this fence. Not quite a woman but slowly leaving the carefree ways of a girl behind. I’m not entirely sure I’m ready to be a woman though, its far too grand. I like these inbetweenities where I can watch both phases and simply exist outside of the trappings of either.

Now as I am not yet a woman I can not speak from experience on what it means but I have had plenty experience being a girl and maybe I am idealizing womanhood. I certainly blame all the women in my life for setting such high standards, however maybe I just don’t know the struggle. Maybe every woman is just a girl in high heels, playing a part for the world’s applause. Maybe this is what I am wobbling towards, greatly unsure but faking it till I make it.

All is well