Category: Thoughts

My thoughts on various issues.

Watch your tongue

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Language, Culture and Colonialism.

sew-willyverse-Ibegan

okay so I had originally planned to post my year in review next but life happens so I have a whole new post that I hadn’t really planned to write. Now this might not appeal to all people so if you’re reading this and getting really angry or bored well, not really sure what to tell ya buddy. Oh and you should know this is going to be a long one 🙂 .

Anyhu, a while ago and well every so often this argument bubbles up within my Nigerian circle “why don’t people our age speak their native languages?”. Usually this question is followed by a huge eye-roll from some people (*cough* me) and then the never ending back and forth of how we’re letting our languages die and what shall we do. Now don’t get me wrong I wish I had the diversity of tongue that my parents do. I wish I could sashay between languages without even realizing it and I certainly wish I had a stronger command of my language than I do but somehow it just didn’t happen for me as with many of my peers.

Finally one day as I was thinking in the shower, it finally made sense! We have been discussing the symptoms and completely ignoring the real issue. Language has no basis without culture. No really think about it, has anyone ever told you that in order to learn a language you need to visit the place and truly be immersed in the culture? Same concept! So by this am I implying that Nigerians are losing their culture? Yes and no. Of course as Nigerians I feel most of us can attest to having an undeniable “nigerian-ness” that you just can’t shake, whether it was in your upbringing, your craving for spicy food or the way your body moves when the beat drops and you just can’t deny the gbedu. However how many of us know our history? No I’m not talking about the history we learned in high school that starts at slave trade and continues through colonialism and lands us in this present day confuffled political collective. I mean the history of your people before they ever saw a white man.

Yea its a little more foggy isn’t it? Oh I’m so sure someone is reading this and thinking “well its not like they wrote us a diary to preserve that history” and I would ask you; have you become so heavily dependent on your colonial education that you completely disregard traditional ways of knowing that very effectively passed down knowledge up until a few generations ago? Language is simply the medium through which we tell our stories but if we don’t even know what those stories are then language is nothing but a strange combination of letters that have no value. In order to effectively partake in the intricacy of language, you must first situate yourself in the culture. So are you Yoruba or Edo or Igbo or Efik simply because your parents have told you that’s what you are or do you see your tribe as a fundamental piece of your identity. The honest answer to this question might explain your language proficiency in your native dialect.

Now seeing as I have written this entire post in English I clearly have no issues with a person speaking English or French or Portuguese or whatever the language of your colonizer was. BUT!!! I am no longer content with this cultural cluelessness. For example, why are different traditional marriages conducted the way they are? What is the significance of some of these practices or are we just all kneeling down and pouring alcohol on the ground cause its cool? Why do we eat the way we do? Why do we greet the way we do? Why do we dance the way we do? Without knowing the answers to any of these, language is really just one more thing that I’m barely holding on to.

Picture by Willyverse

Are you woman enough?

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Womanhood

Processed with VSCOcam with b5 preset

I’ve always found the title “woman” troubling. More so in my teens than now, nevertheless it is a concept I am still negotiating. I’ve always felt more like a girl, a girl has minimal responsibilities, a girl can do so much more than a woman can. A woman is tied to social expectations and must conform or she will be shamed. A girl could conform to social expectations but the most she would get for deviating from the norm is a cautioning word, likely from the women around her.

I simply could not understand why people were so quick to thrust that word “woman” on me, and I was even more confused about why some people were so eager to adopt it. Cotton ball boobs does not a woman make! It must be earned, I felt. I still do really. A thirteen year old no matter how mature she may look or act is a G-I-R-L! Maybe one or two people may differ but for the majority I say girl.

She is a girl because she has likely achieved little. A woman is accomplished and has much to be proud of. A girl does not have the burden of making tough decisions (except of course between which teen pop sensation would grace her wall next). A woman must make many difficult decisions and she does so with grace. A woman carries great responsibility and exudes confidence with every step.

Then of course there’s me, straddling this fence. Not quite a woman but slowly leaving the carefree ways of a girl behind. I’m not entirely sure I’m ready to be a woman though, its far too grand. I like these inbetweenities where I can watch both phases and simply exist outside of the trappings of either.

Now as I am not yet a woman I can not speak from experience on what it means but I have had plenty experience being a girl and maybe I am idealizing womanhood. I certainly blame all the women in my life for setting such high standards, however maybe I just don’t know the struggle. Maybe every woman is just a girl in high heels, playing a part for the world’s applause. Maybe this is what I am wobbling towards, greatly unsure but faking it till I make it.

All is well

I think of my Country

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Reflecting on Nigeria

I couldn’t count the number of times I rolled my eyes while listening to this young man mouth off about the demerits of Nigeria. By the time he described Nigerians as narcissistic I had just about had it. In his opinion, Nigerians are always quick to remind the world that we’re the “giants of Africa” but what do we have to be proud of? The smug look on his face spoke volumes to me. He was either trying to annoy somebody (eg. Me) or he honestly believed what he was saying and was daring the audience to disagree. I would not honor his desires then simply to spite him but I will speak my mind here.

As Nigerians we love to complain. Its a natural talent that we seem to possess. If we do well, we ask why didn’t we do better? If we fail, we ask why didn’t someone else stop us from failing. We complain about the corruption in our country like we invented corruption. We complain about our diversity like its the greatest curse. We would complain about anything as long as you give us the chance. What we fail to do however, after all this complaining is 1) look at what caused the problem  and 2)work to make it better.

Every time a Nigerian stands before me and tells me that we have no national identity all I see is a lack of understanding for where we as a country have come from. The country we now call Nigeria was a colonial construct that was set to ensure ease of colonial rule. The way Nigeria is set up was not for Nigerians to govern. It is a perfect representation of divide and rule because the people from one place to the next are so culturally different. It is hard to believe, with the sheer diversity of the nation that our people would mobilize to fight for independence; but we did. Our national identity should come in our shared history. We do not have to be Nigerian in the way that Americans are American to claim our national identity.

Every time a Nigerian suggests that secession of either the north or the south of Nigeria would solve all of our problems, I wonder how quickly we have forgotten the pain of the civil war. The lives of many people thrown in complete jeopardy because some people did what “seemed” to make the most sense. The north and the south of Nigeria have become very co-dependent irrespective of what some southern people might think. One would find it very difficult to survive without the other. The lives of civilians living in both parts would be horribly affected, and for what reason? Tribalism is our problem in the way some other countries have to deal with racism. As much as I hate to compare sites of inequity, I find this necessary in order to put things in context. Yes managing the power relations between multiple tribes is an incredibly difficult task but I don’t believe that it is impossible.

I am not naive. I know that there are many issues with Nigeria. I am often disappointed and frustrated with the people who lead us. I want more from and for the citizens. I expect so much from this country and it repeatedly falls below my expectations but I am not ashamed. I see potential in Nigeria. I am hopeful for a brighter day. Most importantly, I believe we have plenty to be proud of. There are Nigerians within the country and all over the world who are positively impacting the lives of millions. We are a resilient people who still find something to laugh about even in the darkest situations. We are smart, strong and we have such rich cultures. I don’t think that’s being narcissistic, it is choosing to acknowledge the positives when everyone insists on reminding you of the negatives.

picture by  willyverse

Another Year Older…

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I can’t believe I’m 20!

This was the age I looked up to when I was little and I imagined I would be so grown. I imagined I would have done so much with my life and everybody would know my name. Well 20 doesn’t quite look like that :/ . I have spent the past few days/weeks leading up to today reflecting on what I have achieved. What I’m learning is that everybody has their own path in life. Of course you determine what that path looks like through the choices that you make or don’t make but each person’s journey through life is uniquely theirs. Yes I’ve felt a bit anxious about this birthday, what it means, the next phase of my life but I’m happy still. I’m happy to have made it this far. Happy for growth and the people I have met along the way who have helped me grow. I’m happy for the moments; big or small that have made me smile, cry or just feel. I’m grateful for who I have become and who I am becoming. I don’t know if I’m any wiser than I was a couple of hours ago as a 19 year old but hey! I’m ready for 20, ready to move forward and ready to be “grown”. This doesn’t mean I’m getting rid of all the “childish” things in my life (for those of you that had hoped for that :p ) but I’ve been working on being a responsible member of society so that should be sufficient for now.

Begin another year older

#tanapp

Picture by Willyverse

The Sunflower Blogger Award

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Sunflower award- Inner workings of a color lover

Errmagashh I got nominated for the sunflower blogger award guys!!!!!!! Thank you Detuke for thinking of me :D. The rules are fairly simple;

Share 11 facts about yourself

Answer the questions set by the blogger who nominated you

nominate 11 bloggers

set 7 questions for the nominated bloggers

I’ve recently moved and started school so it’s taken me a little while to get this post up but regular posting should resume shortly 🙂 and since I haven’t posted in a while expect something on Wednesday too!!! Amazing eh? Okay lets get into it. Brace yourselves, its about to be a long one.

11 Facts about me;

1. I’m the last child in my family

2. This “facts about me” portion is making me uncomfortable cause I feel like I don’t “know” me all of a sudden

3. I’m Nigerian, from Akwa Ibom to be specific and no this doesn’t mean I’m ibo. (Its funny how often I actually have to explain this).

4. I’m in my fourth year in University

5. I looooove arguing about social issues. It literally gives me a rush

6. I also love me some candyyy

7. I’m an introvert but I have my extroverted moments

8. I’m an arts and crafts lover. If I can make it, paint it, weave it, glue it or draw it I’m good. (This is also where my whole color lover thing comes in)

9. I love to read

10. I consider myself to be a pretty cheerful person

11. I love plays and I’ve written a couple myself 🙂

Questions Set for Me;

If you could represent any brand, which one would you choose and why?

Okay this is a tough one. I feel that all brands have their weaknesses but if I absolutely had to choose, I would say either Kelloggs or Toms. Kelloggs because its a nostalgic brand for me and if all the things on the back of the cereal boxes are true, they have a real commitment to effecting social and environmental change. I would say Toms because its a social enterprise. Basically a true commitment of a company to improving the lives of other people matters most to me.

What is one interesting thing you’ve learned from reading my blog?

I find the style posts amazing. and I’ve found out about a few fashion-oriented businesses through you so that’s awesome sauce!

Do you have a phobia?

YESSSSS!! HEIGHTS AND WATER!!! Both make me feel like I’m about to die. I may or may not have embarrassing stories regarding crying on a wonderland ride…maybe I do, maybe I don’t.

If you were offered an all-expenses paid trip to anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?

I would go to Italy. My only reason is that one of my favorite professors is Italian and he makes such a huge fuss about how amazing and beautiful Italy is so I would love to go just for the experience (on somebody else’s dime though)

What is something you’ve achieved that you’re most proud of?

Teaching myself to sew is something that I’m pretty proud of. Also, writing and directing my own plays would have to be way up there on my proud scale.

What is your dream job/career

I would like to work in an international organization and create policies that positively impact the lives of women and children in the global south.

Favorite post on Tuke’s Quest

I really liked your natural hair journey post. Firstly because I love reading natural hair stories and I also thought it was very story-like or to be a teeny bit bougie “it had great narrative flow”.

7 Questions I Set

1. What country are you in?

2. What inspired you to start blogging?

3. How would you describe your style?

4. What’s is your earliest memory?

5. What would you change about the world if you could?

6. What are your top three blogs?

7. What is your favorite post on my blog?

 

Yayyy Nomination time!

1. Afrolems

2. The Simple Sophisticate

3. 1Qfoodplatter

4. Vanille noire

5. How do you solve a problem like…

6. Black is my logo

7. Okay I don’t know who else to tag 😦

See you on Wednesday!!

Bloggerversary!!

Published on by maksu20135 Comments

Third time's the charm: Begin

So a year ago today I finally picked up enough pluck to publish my first post (btw alliteration game on point or nah?). Blogging this year has been a truly amazing experience so I thought I’d look back at a few of my favorite posts and talk a bit more about them :). Alrighty then, lets get started…

5. Skirting about with the magic of patterns

This makes it to my top 5 cause I truly love that fabric and I have gotten considerable use out of that skirt. I remember how giddy I was about making my own patterns. I haven’t really made many patterns since then but it’s still something that I would love to do.  I’m also thinking about making another pencil skirt, hopefully a year’s worth of practice would produce an even better skirt 😀

4. Old land New Vibes

This is a fairly recent post but I thoroughly enjoyed writing it! I had been reading naijahusband‘s blog right before I wrote it which is probably why it felt so conversational for me. I felt like that post truly captured how I feel about Nigeria most times; a little upset at the way things are done but truly in love with the country all the same.

3. Third time’s the charm

The victory I felt when I wrote this post is hard to describe. After many (well two is a lot) failed and miserable attempts at making this, I felt nothing but overwhelming pride that I had succeeded. I suppose what makes a great post for me is the depth of emotion I feel when I’m writing it, because for all the posts in this list, I love them because I love the way they made me feel.

2. How does one tame a ‘fro

This was another post that I absolutely enjoyed writing. My hair has been a really big part of my life in the last two and a half years and it has taught me many things. Loving myself has been one major thing but my hair has also taught me some practical things. For example; learning when to quit because not everything is for you, sometimes its better to just let go of one thing and find what really works for you.

and finally….*cue drum roll*

1. Think Responsibly

I remember sending this post to my sister because I was worried I sounded too angry. I’m so glad I posted it though, it is everything I have felt about the education system for a while and I am grateful for a platform like this that allows me say exactly how I feel without the pressure to sound too formal or intellectual.

I would like to thank everybody who has encouraged me to keep writing, sewing and thinking. Thank you for all the likes, shares and comments. I truly appreciate every single one…Here’s to another year of colorful blogging! 🙂

Old land, New Vibes

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My summer in Nigeria so far

 

Begin- Old Land New Vibes

Hey y’all!! So I’ve been in Nigeria for a couple of weeks now and I’m very content so far 🙂

My first week was plagued with jet lag of life but I wasn’t too bothered about that. My days have generally been easy, sleep, go to driving school, visit a friend or run an errand or two, nothing too exhausting and it feels great! All those all-nighters of last year have melted off and I feel well-rested and happy. This happens every time I come back…an air of absolute chill that I never noticed before overcomes me. Well a good 60% of that chill is cause I’m being fed round the clock. Speaking of food, can we just take a second to appreciate the absolute delight that is my mum’s food? Living with a food blogger is -pass out with glee after every meal- amazing.

With every amazing point however,  there are a few things that still shock/annoy/confuse me.

1) Peeing men.  This is something that I shocks me every single time! I always wonder if I just never noticed before or if more men are just choosing to pee on the side of the road. This is how the scenario plays out most times for me;

me: *sitting in traffic and staring blankly out the window*

Mr pees-a-lot: *strolls to the most public place possible, and starts to pee

me :*notices Mr pees-a-lot and looks away for his dignity’s sake

Mr pees-a-lot: *possibly even carrying on a conversation at this point zips up and walks away like nothing ever happened.

WHY??? I suppose when nature calls and all that good stuff but WHY??? why on the side of the road where everybody can see you? Why aren’t you more discreet sir?

2) Nigerian road users. I say road users because whether they’re in a Jeep, on an Okada (bike) or a pedestrian, Nigerian road users are a truly reckless group. Firstly, what is a lane? A lane is simply a suggestion on Nigerian roads, some people would much rather stay smack in the middle of the road and then abuse you for trying to overtake them. Secondly, crossing an expressway? not dangerous at all :). Go on, run across a four lane road with your entire family cause…why not? Finally Okada drivers and your Keke Maruwa (Three wheeled thingybobs) cousins, the road belongs to you, because if it doesn’t I don’t understand your need to threaten everybody else’s existence.

3). Customer Service. Okay this one annoys me and confuses me at the same time. I call the customer service line to resolve an issue I’m having  and somehow I end up being yelled at. Or the cheerful waitress who found it just as funny as we did that half the things on the menu were not available. Or of course the delightful sales girls who are eternally irritated at the presence of customers in the store, especially customers who ask questions about the product.

Despite my many grievances and frustrations with this country, something about it still makes me happy. Maybe its cause this is where my family is and so it will always feel like home, or maybe it’s because as much as these things annoy you they make you laugh even just a little bit. Whatever it is, Nigeria has a texture to it that makes me feel something that is pretty difficult to explain. There is so much content in this country that is just sitting there waiting to inspire you. *Speaking of inspiration I need ideas for a play so if you think of something please leave it in the comments.* It took me leaving the country to see its potential because when you live in Nigeria  its too easy to get caught up in the redundancy of your daily hustle. Sitting in pointless traffic for 3hrs would suck the zeal out of anybody. Anyhow I’m excited for my next few weeks :D…just taking each day as it comes and trying to enjoy every minute of my stay.

I’d also like to know some of your grievances with where you live 😀 so feel free to leave a comment.

 

Picture by Willyverse

Living through filters.

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I’m done.

I’m soo ready to start my holiday and not have to deal with assessments for a while.

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine and he said something that I have been mulling over for a few days now. He said that in this social media age more and more people are starting to live their lives through filters. This means that people are no longer being genuine with what they post on the internet and they are constantly trying to keep up with the characters they have created. For example if you always have pictures of you being “sexy” you feel the need to maintain that “ooo I’m bad and I don’t care what you say” persona. (except you kinda do or you wouldn’t have posted it for people to comment on)

The problem with this is that you may not necessarily be that person that people perceive you to be on the internet.  Of course if people think you’re a perfectly responsible member of society who is also very fun, attractive and drama free, its a little difficult to see what could be wrong with that. BUT in the event that the above description does not fit you perfectly, it could be hard to open up to people. You could find yourself stuck with the burden of maintaining everyone’s expectations of your perfection and seeing as you’re not perfect you obviously do not have the time for such tom foolery. You should be spending all of that energy working on yourself instead of pretending to have it all together.

I don’t know if this need to live a double life was created by social media or if social media has only come to fan the flames of an existing problem. Maybe the internet gives us a place to mask our insecurities and hide from the vulnerability that comes with everyone knowing your flaws.It may  very well be impossible to be entirely transparent on the internet because what you post is simply a moment in your 24hr day and in that fact there would always be bias. I suppose what I am suggesting is that we teach ourselves to live real lives when we are away from the internet. We need to have genuine conversations and vulnerability. I believe that there’s more to every individual than what they post on the internet. We all need to act like it…

#nofilter 🙂

You Mad Bruh?

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Heyyyo

In second year, introduction to Equity Studies I had a reading that still moves me till this day. Unfortunately I do not remember the title of this article or who the author was but the gist of the reading was that the author was often labeled as the “angry black woman” and she felt that people in social justice and human rights advocacy weren’t angry enough because in her opinion anger was the very thing that ignites change.

Now as somebody who has trouble staying angry even when I know I should I found this idea particularly moving. Not being angry often means people take advantage of you, they don’t make an effort to remain on your good side, they are not respectful of the things that offend you because they know you will let it go and carry on like nothing is wrong. For these reasons you need to be angry and you need to be explicit about your anger. Being passive aggressive will get you nowhere.People aren’t mind readers and they surely wouldn’t know that you’re upset if you carry on masking it with loaded statements and subliminal messages. Be verbal, be expressive, let the world know without a shadow of doubt that you’re angry. Bask in it.

Here’s where things get tricky however, I don’t feel that you should speak in anger. With biblical support (James 1: vs 19-20) I can say that speaking in anger will not edify you. In your anger you say things that you may not really mean, you will be hurtful and cutting, you will burn more than you heal. So what is a girl to do? You can’t ignore your anger and you shouldn’t speak in anger so it seems like you’re pretty stuck. Except you’re not.

What I have come to understand is that we need to learn to use our anger. Using your anger means that you detach yourself from the heat of it and channel that energy to effect positive change. This means unpacking your anger. Ask yourself a few key questions; why am I angry? am I justified in my anger? what can be done about it? Often times, I discredit my anger on the second question because I try to think of why the other party would have acted as they did and its usually more difficult to stay angry when I do that because I realize how imperfect we all are and how I could have acted similarly. This should however not stop me from acting. Just because we are all imperfect doesn’t make everything okay. Sometimes we need to be called out on our imperfections in order to grow.

Basically, whether you are upset at a situation or a person you need to use your anger to create the change you want to see. That change may start in you or it may come as a result of you speaking about it. I wish I remember who the article was by just so I could re-read it and fully appreciate the wisdom in that piece. Nevertheless it caused me to think and consequently learn.

The trouble with perfect

Published on by maksu20132 Comments

cropped-photo-21.jpg

Hello, hello!

After months of essays, tests, meetings and the sort, third year is over. At the end of second year I decided to take stock and see what I had learned. I learned in first year that sometimes its okay to let go, in second year I learned that just because you let go of a plan doesn’t mean you have to let go of a dream. After third year I’ve learned that just because you’re used to something doesn’t mean you don’t need to work at it anymore. If anything I learned that the being good at something is simply an invitation to be better

Speaking to my sister last night, she told me something that I thought summed up my “discoveries” quite nicely; “life happens”. Its really important to have a plan and know where you want to be and where you’re heading at any point in time, but it is just as important to remember that just because you have a plan doesn’t mean that’s how things are going to go. Sometimes even the most perfect plans are ruined by the smallest, most mundane things and what do you do? You deal with it.

Often times we become so wrapped up in the perfection of our plans that we’re crushed when things don’t go as we hoped they would. In my experience, life “happening” is usually just the thing you need to help you find your way. Its kinda the way things tend to go; you never try you never know, you never fail, you never grow. (really wasn’t trying to rhyme there but hey!). Anyhow I’m grateful for another year with its new experiences and all the things I learned so far. I’m looking forward to my fourth year and all the novelties it promises to bring.

What are some of your most recent life discoveries?